"We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity. " -Barbara de Angelis
At the beginning of 2010, I found myself at a crossroads. I had been active in direct sales for 7 years, going on 8, and I realized that I was sick of struggling. I was sick of struggling at trying to fit into a company whose culture taught me a lot, but by default, seemed to need me to become someone else. Looking back at it now I never truly comfortably fit into the company or its culture. I was always beating myself up, trying to replicate the top people in the company. This was partly because I was told to “fake it ‘til you make it” – essentially do what the successful people before me had done. What I realize now is that for me, this was a never-ending cycle of frustration, confusion, and it was killing my confidence. I was working so hard at being someone else in order to be “successful” that I forgot to be true to myself and to be 100% authentic.
This only seemed to get worse when I had a breakdown and started to question my up line on why I wasn't successful and why I wasn't reaching the level of success I had desired for 7 years. We had lunch, and looking back now, this lunch would change my direction forever. I asked my upline what I needed to do to become successful and reach the level of success that I had wanted – in essence, what was I doing wrong. My well-meaning, well-intending up line proceeded to tell me that I needed to humble myself and stop acting as if I was already in the position I wanted to be in, which also happened to be her position. This conversation affected me (but possibly offended me) because I realized that what she saw as acting or pretending was actually who I really was and am. In essence, she was asking me to stop being authentic -- to stop being me and to change entirely to fit her needs and to make her feel more comfortable. My authentic self was further challenged in the respect that I couldn’t tell her how she had offended me or how she had mistaken who I really was as a person because I knew she wouldn’t hear it right.
I instead challenged myself for a month, trying to do what she requested, slipping further and further into a sense of confusion, depression, and anger. What I realize, looking back at this now, is that I needed her, or someone, to challenge my perception of what I wanted in life. It took this challenge for me to own my unique strengths. Once my perception had been challenged and my inner strengths accepted, I suddenly realized that what I had been doing for the last 7 years was trying to desperately be someone who I was not and to fit in a culture that was no longer right for me. I set out on the journey to discover what career would fully utilize all of my talents, gifts, and strengths without having to change a thing about myself. What I realized was that it is OK, if not essential, to be yourself in everything you do.
Currently, in my coaching practice, clients often come to me with situations where they are not being true to themselves – where they are trying to fit into someone else’s expectations and advice. I often challenge them on why they think that it is not OK to be themselves. Just with this small challenge and shift in perspective, I see a light bulb turn on and the heavy weight of being someone they are not is lifted off of them. So I challenge you. Where in your life are you not being true to yourself? Where in your life are you listening to advice that causes you to have to change being you?
What I realize now is that the true secret to success is being 100% authentically you. Stop being someone else or who someone else wants you to be in order to become successful.
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