Challenges Entrepreneurs Face In Relationships

I wanted to address the biggest and most common challenges entrepreneurs face in relationships, as well as cover some tips on how to overcome and avoid the issues altogether. When I started my first business, my significant other at the time seemed supportive at the start. However, that support quickly eroded over time and changed into resentment. The dreams I had for the business became either fuel for fights or secrets I hid. To make matters worse, I started to resent him because my new business was my pride and joy. I was working my butt off and putting so much energy and time into the business to the detriment of my relationship. I was faced with an impossible catch-22 -- either the business or him. I wasn't aware at the time that these problems were all too common among entrepreneurs.

The alternative to having these types of struggles is having a business and partner that support one another, but it takes work from both of you.  Now I have a supportive spouse who wants my business to succeed. I have seen numerous entrepreneurs' relationships fail because of some common struggles, but I have also seen some of them thrive.

The Biggest Challenges An Entrepreneur Faces in Relationships and How To Overcome Them

Get Clear on What You Both Want

Business Vision vs. Relationship Goals

Oftentimes when couples come to me for coaching, it becomes clear to me from the start that their goals aren't in sync. The entrepreneur has goals for the business and desires for the relationship but their partner's goals and expectations are totally different, or even worse, the complete opposite. Both partners in the relationship feel unfulfilled like they are spinning their wheels waiting for the business to become profitable or to solve all their problems. This often manifests in the relationship as cutting remarks and unsupportive bitter comments about the business. The entrepreneur then becomes resentful because, both the business and the relationship are very important to them and they are unsure how to navigate this new territory if the business is now seen as the enemy.

What needs to happen is a total mindset shift and clarity around both partners' personal goals, relationship goals and the goals or expectations of the business. Then the focus becomes working together to reach the goals in each area. The business can easily become the provider of the goals with a little more clarity and support. Ideally, the business goals being met should then allow for the relationship and life goals to be met as well. All the goals should and need to work together. If they don't, it's an uphill slog from here on out. You want to make sure everyone's goals are in sync so that you are at least moving forward in the same direction and on the same road.

• Ask yourself, why are you in business? Are your desires in sync with your own and your partner's relationship goals?

Have Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are crucial for the Business and the Relationship. Both your relationship and the business need boundaries. The business needs hours of operation because you can't be open and on all the time mentally or physically. It will lead to burnout extremely fast if you don't. The relationship also needs it's own sacred and treasured time when work or the business are not talked about. No work in the bedroom and no relationship issues in the business. The two need their own mental, emotional and physical space.

Running a business often feels like an all-day activity. We work on our tablets in bed. We check emails at all hours of every day. God forbid we answer our phones when it's a business call. The quickest way to kill intimacy is to set up a mobile office and bring that mobile office into the bedroom or to a social function. Each needs its own time and space in your life, uninterrupted and not competing for your focus.

I often recommend for my entrepreneur clients to have regular office hours and a physical marker during their drive home where they mentally shut off work, kind of like a visual off switch which also lets them transition from work to their home life a lot more seamlessly.

• What is okay to be discussed and what is not?
• When, and for how long, will you talk about the business? 
• When will you shut off from the day of work and focus on each other? 
• When will you focus on the business without distractions?

Create a Plan For Stress Management

Being an entrepreneur is often stressful. Your ability to effectively manage your stress as an entrepreneur is extremely important in both the business and the relationship because they often bleed into one another. Your mind often ruminates over stressful situations, overriding the brain's rational abilities. Fight or flight responses of the amygdala kick in and now you are on a crash course to make the situation worse -- you get ill or you are just plain burnt out. This, in turn, makes you unavailable to both the business and the relationship. Starting a business is a herculean task. The odds and statistics are stacked against you in terms of success. You are effectively creating something from thin air. I also think in some ways it is similar to having a baby.

You and your partner need to have a plan to manage stress. It should include deep states of relaxation and calm. You also should include self-care and alone time into the plan. Vacations as a couple are also great if your life and business can afford it. My view of stress management and time off is that you can't afford to not take it. Time to reset everything does wonders for your own well-being, the well-being of the relationship and the business.

• How do you manage stress so that you are operating in life and business at peak performance?

Open Communication

Poor communication is the number one reason why relationships split up. I know. Not a huge surprise. Which made me think it was incredibly important to bring up here and address in a different way. Your partner needs to know about your day in the business. Maybe not the details per se, but how you are feeling about your business and your goals related to it. You also need to be open to hearing the concerns that your partner has and possibly, hopefully, the praise.

Keeping your feelings and emotions secret is never going to lead to long-term success in the business or in the relationship. Your partner may not be your 'business partner,' but they are your partner in life and should be treated as such. You can't fix what isn't communicated or addressed. If hearing about your partner's concerns or praise about your business is hard for you to take, then there are other more serious issues that need to be addressed than communication.

• Regularly address all emotions, fears, resentments, and expectations on both sides.

You Are a Team in Life

Your partner isn't the enemy to your business and your business is not the enemy to your partner. It may seem that way, but it's not. By treating your partner as an integral part of your success team, you are equipping yourself for more support and honest feedback in the short term and long term. There is no reason why your business can't help provide what you want in your life and lifestyle. Ultimately you both want the business to succeed and if that's not the case, communication is dramatically lacking. Both partners need to work together in order to be successful in all areas of life. Supporting each other is key.

Address Money Issues

Being an entrepreneur doesn't necessarily mean you are a successful entrepreneur. Starting and having a business is also a huge financial risk. You need to be aware that by you taking on financial risks, your partner is, in turn, doing the same. There needs to be empathy and openness around all money issues. No secrets as that only breed more problems.

Your personal finances and business finances should be kept separate. They are two separate entities and should be treated as such. If there was a loan made by the family/couple finances, this needs to be tracked and paid back over time with an agreement made and honored. If the business is struggling for a season or a year that's one thing, if the business is a money pit and not profitable within 3-5 years you need to think seriously about making some major adjustments to how you run the business or you need to be brutally honest with yourself about the state of your business and close it.

If you are a poor money manager, then you need to hire professional help. If you are making risky business decisions or investments, these need to be fully thought through before you continue. It is common for a business to try and expand before they should or hire staff before they can afford it. The entrepreneur may make the poor choice to not take a paycheck. The list goes on and on.

• Are there any money issues that need to be addressed? 
• Anything about money, both personal and in the business that you need, to be honest with yourself and your partner about?
• What can you do differently to change and improve your money issues? 
• Are your money issues affecting the intimacy in the relationship?

Ask for What You Need and Know What Your Partner Needs

If you aren't clear on what you need from your partner or don't ask for what you know you do need, then how can your partner try to reach your needs. The same is to be said for your partner. Do you know what they need from you? Maybe they need a weekly family meeting to check in. Maybe they need your business paycheck to pay for a weekly date night. Maybe they need to know exactly how the business is supporting and reaching your life goals. Time management is as important for the business as it is for the relationship.

If your needs aren't in alignment, then once again there are deeper issues that need to be addressed. Oftentimes once you know what each other's needs are then they can be achieved, and happily so. Maybe your workaholic tendencies are making your partner worried about your health. Now you can address both the amount you work and or your partner's concerns. Maybe your partner needs you to be present in the relationship. Are you truly committed to the relationship? Maybe the business needs to bring in more income. Great! How much more income minimally and ideally? Maybe you need to not have your partner interrupt your work time. Communicate that -- even better, give examples of how to do it differently.

By asking for what you need and being aware of what your partner needs, you can work towards meeting those needs and asking for when your needs aren't being met. Without this awareness, there can be no action.

• Get clear on what your needs actually are from your partner.
• Do you know what your partner needs from you in life and from your business? 

Be Aware of the Alternatives

Breakups and divorce are common among entrepreneurs. Sure, the divorce rate is higher for entrepreneurs than non-entrepreneur couples. It doesn't mean yours has to end up that way. You should be aware of the statistics, but there are things you can do other than the above steps, which are an excellent start. Taking a vacation or a sabbatical together and answering the necessary questions might help.

There is always couples therapy as well. I often work well with therapists in tandem as a team. But I think that couples coaching would help the more action and results-oriented couples. The higher divorce rate doesn't mean relationships with entrepreneurs are doomed to fail. It just means there more be more work to do on the relationship down the road.

Final Thoughts

Your business doesn't have to be the enemy and neither does your partner. You can have the business, life, and relationship you desire. It just takes work and many shifts in perspective. You have to be willing to do the work to make the changes and be honest. The way you are doing things may or may not be working, you can always do things differently to change the results and outcomes. You are here and that is a start. Give yourself credit for that. It's a step in the right direction.

Here's a suggestion: Let's work together. 

I can help you build a more successful business, and have your ideal life because of it, working as a team with your romantic partner. To learn more about couples coaching, read this.